Some of you might know that my partner, Johan, is Dutch. He was born in the Netherlands, and despite 45 plus years in NZ, Dutch remains his native tongue.
In fact his English is as good as mine, if slightly accented. His mind works on sounds and visuals, not on the written word. So he has trouble distinguishing ‘off’ and ‘of’ or ‘van’ and ‘fan’. He knows a van has wheels and a fan has blades, but he can hear no distinction. No matter, he can speak three languages. Have actual fluid conversations in three languages, understanding both the tone and content. Make and comprehend jokes in three languages.
I can only do that in one language, the English I was raised with. I learnt Latin for three years at school and that was a doodle. Figure out the structure and it all falls into place. Easy! But it is a dead language. No one speaks it. The rules are regular and never change. It is like learning the alphabet or the times tables. And of course I have largely forgotten it, except for the odd bit of lawyers’ Latin that needs translating.
After five years of high school French, and three months living alone in a French provincial city, I can just get by en Francais. I can shop, order food and converse with a waiter in a restaurant, exchange polite greetings, and have been known to give and receive directions in the street. I can follow a conversation to the extent of knowing what it is about, but not to the point of joining in. I can read most things, but please no comprehension tests.
For the past year or so I have been trying to learn Spanish on DuoLingo. I practise every day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I remain in the present tense. Worse, my bilingual grandson ignores me when I speak Spanish to him, and his Argentinian father just laughs. It seems I am not a natural linguist, and that an A-grade in School Certificate and Bursary French does not guarantee coherency when in France. That it is was nearly fifty years ago that I learnt it probably does not help.
My son-in-law also speaks three languages – Spanish, English, French, and now he is learning Te Reo. My daughter spent two months in Istanbul and came back with a raft of Turkish conversation and everyday sayings. She has picked up basic Spanish from her husband and in-laws.
They put me to shame – all of them.
But while I can get my head around French and Spanish, and have even attempted a bit of Italian while on holiday, the oddity and sound of Dutch is more than I can manage. When I first met Johan I thought it would be easy. Listen to spoken Dutch and it does not sound that dissimilar to English at first, or to the cartoon German my generation grew up with in comics and war movies. It is a Romance language, so the structure is not dissimilar to French or Spanish, and like all European languages some words are the same. I can manage “hello” (hallo) and remember how to say “thank you” (dank u wel), but how am I to remember “please” (alsjeblieft)?
Try saying that when you are dying for a red wine. By contrast, “por favor” is pure simplicity, and “s’il vous plait” drops sonorously off the tongue.
How do I deal with this instruction, for example:
Nowadays, ij in most cases represents the diphthong [ɛi], except in the suffix -lijk, where it is usually pronounced as a schwa. In one special case, the Dutch word bijzonder, the (old) sound [iː] is correct standard pronunciation, although [i] is more common and [ɛi] is also allowed.
But the real kicker is that horrible sound they make in the back of the throat. Somehow the word groot (“big”) is pronounced pronounced “ɣroot” with ɣ denoting the guttural sound. Not only can I not make this sound, I don’t want to make it!
Most mornings I am subjected to the Dutch evening news – NOS – which with the Netherlands being conveniently 12 hours behind us appears on Johan’s computer at breakfast time. The coverage is much better than TV1 and less Euro- or America- centric than the BBC or CNN. Of course I can only pick up a vague idea of what is being said, but the film clips are self-explanatory, and if I show interest Johan translates. It is an interesting window on another part of the world, but sadly it does little for my language skills.
None of this may matter, considering I have spent a total of 48 hours in the Netherlands thus far. But perhaps, now that I have my COVID vaccination passport, I might get back there someday. And if I do, I want to be sure to know how to ask for a glass of red wine!
Mag ik een glaasje rode wijn, alstublieft?
Nederlands is niet onmogelijk, Linda. Jou kann het! Some of those sounds take practise….like that G for “groot” and the “IJ” as in “wijn”. Beginner’s Deutsch helped crack the Netherlandish Code for me long ago and ongoing contact with Dutch, Afrikaner and Flemish friends, acquaintances and co-workers has kept things open.
I still remember a mean guy at a bank in Brussels who would not cash my travellers cheques for me when I asked “Je voudrais encaissee des chèques de voyage, Moniseur”. He made out that he did not understand. I heard something like “Fraans…niet verstaan”. Then I took a breath and tried my best ” Ik zou graag eenige reisecheques wisselen…als het U belieft…Mijnheer”. His attitude changed and I got my money.
The Dutch/Flemish/Afrikaans language has more power in the world than you may think!